Hello dear blog
I return!
Oh wow, I forgot I had this. more like, I remembered it occasionally and did not feel like posting.
Today I am working on a lot. Emotionally and responsibility-wise. My battery is at 40%. I feel like I need to hear lyrics to songs and process myself through external means 24/7 right now. I want to start curating this page and I want to start writing down song lyrics that speak to me. They so often do, they speak louder than my mind often can. I want a lot of things, don't I? I've been thinking a lot about how it is challenging to accept that the things that set us back aren't points of blame and shame, but we've decided to define them as individualistic. Why do we all have to go through a process of understanding that being emotionally ridden, being tired, not taking care of yourself, having too much people time, having too little people time... matters? I just want to be human for the sake of it. I also despise that human nature interferes with the manner in which an education exposes me to topics I care to digest. Instruction from OTHERS is so valuable, but that comes with the condition of scheduling; that comes with the condition of, sometimes I will have to learn in the very hour which I am not set up to entertain my curious spirit. But as I write this now I realize, the very class I speak of - human motivation - has highlighted to me how science does, in fact, point to the fact that we are not capitalistic, productive, robotic by nature. We need energy and sustenance both literally and more figuratively social and emotional and cognitive NEEDS to pursue what we care for. So of course I am not always motivated, because as I am genuinely learning, science tells us we CANNOT always be 100%.
So next time someone or something that is (feels) greater/more authoritative over what you do than yourself, and you cannot find the itch to complete, it feels imposed upon you - this is frustrated, this is an unnatural approach, it requires an override within our brains, a fight between the emotional and logistical to be won, and that war needs plenty of resources.